Sex Therapy
My Approach
As a sex therapist, I help individuals and couples get to know themselves sexually and work through challenges such as desire discrepancy, low libido, erectile unpredictability, premature ejaculation, navigating consensual non-monogamy, and sexual compulsion. I am highly-trained and experienced working with clients of all different backgrounds, sexual orientations, kinks, and locations on the sexuality spectrum. My goal in sex therapy is to help clients open up and become more familiar and confident in what they want and who they are—whether that means learning to explore one’s own unique erotic template or learning to work with challenges that prevent them from having full, exciting, and satisfying sex lives.
My Process
My work as a sex therapist is both practical and exploratory. Sex therapy clients often come into sessions highly motivated; they want to overcome their challenges and lead satisfying and exciting sex lives. I take a holistic approach. My sense is that it’s important to explore a client’s family, sexual, and relationship history as we simultaneously go deep to understand, adjust, and transcend whatever challenges they’re facing.
Types of Cases I See:
Cultivating intimacy. Individuals and couples seek sex therapy because they want to work on cultivating sexual and emotional intimacy. I work with individuals who repeatedly hit limitations of how emotionally close they can get to a romantic partner. We examine what gets in the way of genuine and satisfying intimacy. I also work with couples in which one or both partners have trouble expressing their deeper sexual desires and emotional needs. Deepening intimacy can be be both frightening and exciting—expressing one’s feelings and desires to a partner is about as vulnerable as one can get.
Desire discrepancy and inactive sex lives. Couples—and, sometimes, individuals—often seek out sex therapy because one partner wants to be having sex more than the other. We explore why the couple isn’t having more sex, which can be for any number of reasons. Much of this work—including when it’s a couple client—is about self-exploration. I work with clients to explore their own erotic templates so they can better communicate to their partner what excites them sexually.
Sexual trauma. Whether or not it’s the primary reason they come to see me, clients often present with a history of sexual trauma. My work entails processing what happened, how the trauma has been integrated into the body, and how it’s coming up in present-day sexual situations.
Erectile unpredictability (AKA Erectile Dysfunction.) Erectile unpredictability is quite common among men of all ages and it’s often largely psychological. My work with clients facing erectile challenges entails helping clients to consider and understand the circumstances and conditions that are helpful to them feeling confident and connected. Often times, erectile unpredictability vastly improves once a client develops effective communication with a loving partner or partners. Part of our work is exploring what gets in the way.
Premature ejaculation. Challenges with premature ejaculation—when men achieve orgasm more quickly than they would like—often occur because, for one reason or another, a client hasn’t learned how to effectively modulate their penile sensitivity and erotic excitement. Overcoming premature ejaculation entails exploring the root causes—often an unconscious discomfort around sex and sexuality—and discussing effective and practical ways to modulate sensitivity and delay orgasm.
Exploring kinks, fetishes, and turn-ons. Sex therapy clients sometimes come in because they want to explore their erotic templates. Sometimes a client or their partner is uncomfortable with what excites them sexually, or sometimes a client wants to better understand where their turn-ons come from and how to explore them in safe and satisfying ways.
Navigating consensual non-monogamy (CNM). Opening one’s relationship is an exciting, if daunting, process. There are a lot of models for how to have a monogamous, long-term relationship—less so for consensually non-monogamous partnerships. A good therapist can help couples consider the benefits and challenges of opening up, navigate the difficult emotions that come with consensual non-monogamy or polyamory, and collaborate to develop boundaries and guidelines.